You shall not pass!

Today's fuckwittery;

The special key passes I need to give me unfettered access to a humungous national data base are still being processed, despite the request being sent yesterday morning - with the correct authorisation. Begs the question - they knew I was starting on 26th, why were the passes only requested yesterday?

I still have no personal log in or passwords, despite the request being sent on Monday, when I was being talked at in the crematorium room. Again, me coming to the office to start work shouldn't have come as any sort of surprise..

The bank staff blokeys who started in the same department yesterday already have EVERYTHING they need. They are receiving the same training as me, but they can do theirs in real time on a live system.

My photo ID badge was taken by security yesterday evening so that they could, overnight, encode me a door entry key for the office. This process should take around 12 hours, and I dropped mine off at 5pm yesterday. Wearing the correct badge is mandatory, as is having the correct entry card for the swipey door entry thing in the corridor, next to the hand sanitiser thing. I have now, only the plastic shell of mine and a lanyard. I have to keep the shell tucked down inside my clothes, with just the lanyard showing. God knows what will happen if I'm challenged. Other staff are not permitted to open the office door for a colleague - we all have to use the key card. The new card was supposed to be coded and issued within about 12 hours - Security have now had it for 24 and counting, and I was told they were too busy overnight to do it, so I might not even get it tomorrow. Not sure at all how busy hospital security people can be, tbh. Obviously too busy to stick a card in to a coding machine and press a button. They could do that while the kettle's boiling for their evening cuppa...or while they're stuffing down a pie.

I STILL haven't signed my contract or been able to speak to the right people about it, so I still haven't sorted out the contract hours discrepancy, nor the discrepancies between my paperwork and my badge/job title/DBS certificate. Apart from that, I did actually do some work today, buoyed up by some jelly sweets and coconut biscuits brought in by someone who'd been on holiday and whose name I've already forgotten. I think she's called Fossi or something.

The child who is teaching me is a little patronising butterball, with a voice like a cheesewire. She seems to live on low-fat toffee yoghurt and Belvita biscuits. In fact, every time I walked past her desk, she was stuffing her face with something. AND for lunch, she had a macaroni cheese mug shot, which smelled of puke. I could still smell it when I left at 5pm. If she told me once that she went to uni, and how much teaching experience she had, she told me fifty times. She's only about 25, if she's that. How much experience can she have had of anything? Still, I'm biting my tongue. i know I don't play well with others, so it's my mission to improve that - at least until the end of the contract. I thanked her prettily for helping me today. I shall probably do it again tomorrow, too.

Officially, I STILL don't ''know'' where the ''facilities'' are. As this fact is something that I am required to ''sign off'' on my training portfolio - presumably after being officially taken there - I'm not quite sure what to make of that.

On the plus side, though, the viburnum is fragrantly blooming out along the roadside, and Mum made faggots, peas and mash for supper for me and dad. I'm cooking tomorrow, in lieu of paying rent.